+3 votes
101 views
in Fun & Humor ☻ by
Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church.

"When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began.

"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.

"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.

"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.

"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.

"That would be the usher," Charlie explained.

"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said.

"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.

"Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.

"Pew," Charlie retorted.

"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."

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Link: http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Church/Cowboy_Joe.shtml

3 Answers

+3 votes
by

That reminds me of a joke when Clinton was President.

Bill Clinton is returning to Washington on Air Force 1 from a trip to Arkansas. He gets off the plane, carrying a large pig under each arm. When he gets to the bottom of the stairs, the guard there snaps to attention, salutes and shouts, "Sir, good morning, Sir! "

Clinton says, "In Arkansas, we say 'Mawnin' ' "

Guard: "Sir, yes Sir! Mawnin', Sir! "

Clinton: "What do you think of these?" nodding at the pigs.

Guard: "Sir, very fine pigs, Sir! "

Clinton: "In Arkansas, we call them razorbacks."

Guard: "Sir, yes Sir!  Very fine razorbacks, Sir! "

Clinton: "I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea."

Guard: "Sir, yes Sir! Very fine trade, Sir! "

by

@T(h)ink

Ouch - lol - I thought that it was a Comanchero (but their trade focused more on horses, guns and whiskey as a means of exchange for "labour and domestic forces") - hmm - today, it is called human trafficking or modern slavery ...

:O:ermm::angel::D

By the way, aren't razorbacks wild boars or feral pigs?

:D:D

by

Lol, yes they are.  :D

by

:D:D:D

by

Your native razorbacks are a separate category of the suiformes:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peccary

(as pigs and boars were imported).

by

Yes, but it is the domesticated pigs that escaped and became feral that are usually called razorbacks, as the article says. "Some domestic pigs brought by European settlers have escaped over the years and now run wild as "razorback" hogs in many parts of the United States."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feral_pig

by

Yes, this is correct, and they also imported wild boars and other game.

https://digitalheritage.org/2010/08/european-wild-boars/

+4 votes
by

Well pilgrim, what can I say? :D :D

image

by

@Rooster (:):D):

Lol - I remember that Mattie was a strong character in this movie.

:D:D:D


+2 votes
by

'nkay, Marianne...my contribution to your COWBOY VOCABULARY is the posthumous winner of the coolest headstone contest!

image

by

:D :D :D :D :D

by
@Virginia
Oh yes, I remember a similar joke about this kind of "happiness".
:D:D:D:D:D
It did not involve cowboys alone - lol.
:angel::D

And here's another one - not so respectful - about scores:

The Game Of Romance:
 
A Man’s Guide to the Scoring System...

1) SIMPLE DUTIES
You go out to buy her flowers: +5
But return with beer: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something: +5
You pummel it with a six iron: +10
It’s her cat: -10

2) SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party: 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy: -2
Named Tiffany: -4
Tiffany is a dancer: -6
Tiffany has implants: -8

3) SATURDAY AFTERNOONS
You visit her parents: +1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3
And the television is off: -6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear: -6
And you didn’t even go to college: -10
And it’s not really your underwear: -15

4) HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner: 0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar: +1
Okay, it is a sports bar: -2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night: -3
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10
You give her a gift: 0
You give her a gift, and it’s a small appliance: -10
You give her a gift, and it’s not a small appliance: +1
You give her a gift, and it isn’t chocolate: +2
You give her a gift that you’ll be paying off for months: +30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10
With her credit card: -30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -40

5) THOUGHTFULNESS
You forget to pick her up at the bus station: -25
Which is in Newark, New Jersey: -35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50

6) A NIGHT OUT WITH YOUR PALS
You have a few beers: -9
For every beer after three, -2 again
And miss curfew by an hour: -12
You get home at 3 a.m.: -20
You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30
And not wearing any pants: -40
Is that a tattoo? -200 7)

A NIGHT OUT, JUST THE TWO OF YOU
You go see a comic: +2
He’s crude and sexist: -2
You laugh: -5
You laugh too much: -10
She’s not laughing: -15
You laugh harder: -25

8) DRIVING
You lose the directions on a trip: -4
You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals: -25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60

9) COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk, you listen, displaying a concerned expression: +20
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television: +10
She realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep: -10
by

It's funny, Marianne...a whole statement on life together!

by

@Virginia

Lol - indeed.

:D:D:D

It is amazing how many little life lessons can be found - even in rather silly jokes and parodies.


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