+3 votes
188 views
in Fun & Humor ☻ by
• chromatic scale: an instrument for weighing that indicates half-pounds.

• bar line: a gathering of people, usually among which may be found a musician or two.

• ad libitum: a premiere.

• beat: what music students do to each other with their instruments. The down beat is performed on top of the head, while the up beat is struck under the chin.

• cadence: when everybody hopes you're going to stop, but you don't.

• diatonic: low-calorie Schweppes.

• lamentoso: with handkerchiefs.

• virtuoso: a musician with very high morals. (I know one)

• music: a complex organizations of sounds that is set down by the composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor, who is ignored by the musicians, the result of which is ignored by the audience.

• oboe: an ill wind that nobody blows good.

• tenor: two hours before a nooner.

• diminished fifth: an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.

• perfect fifth: a full bottle of Jack Daniels.

• ritard: there's one in every family.

image

Link: http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/other-instrument-jokes.html

2 Answers

+3 votes
by
 
Best answer

counter-tenor: a clock watcher waiting for lunch break

diminished fifth: a tritone (aka the Devil's interval); alcoholics would agree

by

Lol, T(h)ink, two good ones.

:D:D

+3 votes
by

'N-kay Marianne, I got some definitions for yah...

What's the difference between a seamstress and a violist?
The seamstress tucks up the frills.

"The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two."
--  Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
                                                     * * *
...plus an observation from Mark Twain!
"Richard Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
by

Mark Twain better not mess with the Valkyries. :O :D


by

O'Tink, that is splendorous...archetypal...entrancing! That music, as those eight formidable women walk down...Mark Twain, tremble!!!

by

Lol, Virginia, and oops! :O:D:D:D

Somebody might be shocked about the violist and the seamstress - lol.

:angel::D:D

by

Marianne you got it! I was wondering...but your knowledge of English nuance is remarkable...yes it's the Spoonerism, exchanging the first letters of tuck and frill...

Oh and yes, Sister O'Tink, please :blush: do ;) not :angel: be :silly: too :P scandalized :blink: here... :ninja:

by

Lol - I was not sure, but the rhyme with the "f" word looked too suspect, and thinking, for instance, of tucking up a skirt (in French, you use the verb "trousser" (which can say much more than, just unveiling the underwear); so, I consulted the Urban Dictionary - well, I was not surprised:

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/trousser

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=tuck%20up

:O:D:ermm::D:angel::D


by

Oh Marianne, no that is not what I meant, I looked at Urban Dictionary and did not even know about that...:blush:  ...that is too raw for me, I think!

Anyway, I learned it now, Urban Dictionary helps me a great deal with such information...:dizzy:

Still, what I wrote is raw also, off-color as they say... you just exchange the first letters between the words "tucks" and "frills"...well, frills then becomes trills, which is what the violist plays on the instrument, and...well...and then you see what "tucks" becomes!!!

by

@ Virginia

In a college, there was a group of Pygmies taking an advanced calculus class. Outside on the field, the women's track team was doing sprints.

Question: What was the difference between the two groups?

Answer: The Pygmies were a bunch of cunning runts.

You are a BAD INFLUENCE on me:O :blush: :O :D

by

Lol, Virginia, don't worry; yes, I got confused; what I thought first of was indeed this very widely used "f" word, but - well - I prefer to check into several dictionaries, and the so much recommended Urban Dictionary was right on top of the listed ones, and I could not resist. And you know how we function with certain "ulterior motives". After all, we have, on our side, quite a few "slippery", very colourful expressions, and quite a few songs on our side were and still are "shocking", and hilarious.

That reminds me of a joke:

https://www.elitereaders.com/boy-claims-hes-smart-first-grade-principals-reaction-priceless/

:O:angel::D

by

T(h)ink - lol - ouch - giggling ...

Check this link (also shared with Virginia):

https://www.elitereaders.com/boy-claims-hes-smart-first-grade-principals-reaction-priceless/

:'(:blush::angel::D:D:D

by

Marianne, look at this...from The Other Tink,now...it's another shady Spoonerism, here!     I am corrupting not only you, but O'Tink as well! (Just in case you do not already know, exchange the first letters of cunning and runt, and then go to Urban Dictionary...)

Oh it is SO educational, here on SOLVED...

by

Oh now you got the spirit, Marianne...as we say in this timber outback, "now you are logging!"

by

@ Virginia,

What's the difference between an alcoholic and a molester of women?

An alcoholic is a great toper. (hint: more than one initial consonant has to be moved in one of the words)

:O :blush: :O

by

O'Tink, it took me a few moments...but I GOT it!  :'(  :D

by

Virginia, I'm sooo ashamed... letting myself be corrupted like this:blush: :O :blush: :O :) :D

image

by

it's O'Kay, O'Tink...I have left an emergency message calling in the prior expertise of Rooster... as emergency moderator...HE will stand up for you and Marianne, help in protecting you-all from my questionable influence...

by

For shame for shame! I'll stand up for everyone ya bunch of nuts! LOL


:D :D :D

by

The best Beethoven!

image


by

Rooster,  :D

by

Lol, Virginia - you are pointing out what I tried to leave untold; yes, we have also a too widely used word:

the "c" word; actually it refers to an English "c" word, with the same origin (nothing to do with "Oryctolagus cuniculus", except for a certain activity - lol):

http://dictionnaire.reverso.net/francais-anglais/con

http://dictionnaire.reverso.net/francais-anglais/connard


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/European_rabbit

(but its origin is that of a very vulgar term, an English "c" word ...)

It reminds me of a famous crime novel writer under the pseudonym San-Antonio:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fr%C3%A9d%C3%A9ric_Dard

http://www.colibri.bg/eng/authors/17/san-antonio

and one of his books "Les c**s" ...


by

Lol - don't worry, Virginia, I think that all of us are "guilty" :O:blush::angel::D:D:D ...

by

:D:D:D - L O L ...

by

Ha ha, I am not really worried here, Marianne, I just wanted to make certain we included Rooster in the proceedings, as I recall he enjoys an off-color joke occasionally!

by

Marianne! We seem to have a whole underground etymology going on here...plus connections to the famous WATERSHIP DOWN...PLUS I think you and I may have to extend our lifespan another fifty years or so now, up to 1050 years, at least for me I need to add-in some readings such as Inspector San-Antonio...

by

Lol, Virginia - why should we neglect Rooster? He is as much "of a sinner" as we are - (giggles): "In for a penny, in for a pound!"

:O:blush::angel::D:D

by

Well, well, I don't know how much more time we would need to read all of our growing bucket lists - lol.

But at least, I could find out that quite a few of these San Antonio crime and secret agent stories were translated - hopefully involving good equivalent slang words for Dard's colourful and, somewhat, respectless, ribald, and often more than erotic expressions and scenes (Think might appreciate ...) :angel::D.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2016/may/14/frederic-dard-france-crime-novels-georges-simenon

http://www.nytimes.com/2000/06/15/books/frederic-dard-78-author-of-raffish-detective-novels.html?module=ArrowsNav&contentCollection=Books&action=keypress&region=FixedLeft&pgtype=article


by

Ha ha, Marianne that is quite a recommendation; "colourful respectless, ribald, and often more than erotic"...now I REALLY think maybe I better put him on my 1,000 year bucket-reading list...

by

Lol, Virginia - the slang, ribald, and rather "weird" vocabulary reminds much of Rabelais.

:)


by

Oh Marianne, I looked at the Urban Dictionary definition of logging...oh no! Chagrin... :O  :blush:  ...

I myself was meaning only the local definition, bringing the timber out of the woods...many daily activities were expressed in forest language...and to be "logging" just meant you were doing a good job!

* * *

Anyway, I have not myself read Rabelais...however, he has been on my list for a very long time. Because in my teens I read that a composition of his called THE RING OF HANS CARVEL is an all-time classic of profanity....have you heard of it? 

by

Amen, Sister Marianne!

by

Well, Virginia - are you referring to La Fontaine's "Hans Carvel's Ring" ?

https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/l/la_fontaine/jean_de/tales/chapter36.html

I am afraid that I forgot a lot ...


by

Hello, Virginia - I have not been very present, lately; we had a very tiring heat wave for more than a week, and also the computer was suffering, while on-line traffic has been extremely slow.


by

Marianne !!! !!!

How do you DO those things??? I have been searching for that since the early 1960's...I know because I had not left my parents' home yet...was reading about Rabelais, but have no idea how I came to the idea this was his composition...I am actually guessing my source misquoted!

But this MUST be it...Hans Carvel's "ring" is breath-taking in its subtlety, its ribaldry...is O'Tink on this thread, so she does not miss this?

by

@ Virginia,

Yes, and I'm blushing CRIMSON with shock, as usual:O :blush:  :blush: :O :) :D

by

...as well you should be, Sister O'Tink, as well you should be...;)

btw, O'Tink and Marianne, since I am a regular now on SOLVED, I thought I might mention...starting tomorrow Saturday July 1, I am spending a few days with a friend in Seattle. Not sure what her Internet situation is, so I might be scarce or even absent until the end of next week...just not sure...

by

@ Virginia,

Have fun in SeattleIt's one of my favorite towns.

My sister and I once stopped for some coffee at a small counter in the Pike Place market about 10 years ago. When we were finished, we asked the counter man what we owed him, and were astonished to hear him say 20 cents. Unbeknownst to us, that counter must have been operated for the benefit of homeless or otherwise down-and-out folks. We left $10 as a donation. I hope the counter is still there.

by

10¢ coffee ten years ago? ...that's already something like 2007! Amazing!

You may already know, O'Tink, there were spots in the Pike Place Market long-time holdouts against modernization...and yes lots of receptiveness for down-and-outers...my friends and I used to frequent the run-down but cheap and homey Place Pigalle, a bar there - until it got bought-out, updated, and became just another trendy/spendy but (to us) dull joint..

by

There actually was a small, old-fashioned sign with a picture of a coffee mug there that said "Coffee 10¢", but of course we thought that was just a decoration, and not the real price. But real it was. :)

by

Remarkable! If Molly and I go to the Market, I will keep a lookout...

by

Yes, Virginia, I am asking myself where I got much of my information from - most probably from reading, work, leisure, schools, experience, etc. - o.k., here in Europe, we got more info about French, German, Italian and other European literature, arts, news, etc., than you did, some time ago, and even with Internet, lots of texts have not yet been translated in(to) English.

That is also why many of my links are not so complete - especially certain very interesting, very popular (and inspiring to check more closely in official historical and literary records) cloak and dagger novels. Sadly enough, there's hardly anything about, for instance, the famous Pardaillan series:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pardaillan

Oh yes, Rabelaisian stories are a blushing, shocking and giggling matter - lol.

:O:blush::angel::D:D



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