My body has chronic problems that keep me from having a good night sleep. Some of the reasons that I don't sleep include:
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post-nasal drip (this seems to be the most common year round)
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stress/anxiety (happens frequently, but not as often as PSD)
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allergies (which bring on PSD)
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sinusitis and/or sinus infections (again, PSD)
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colds and other respiratory infections (same thing...PSD)
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dry mouth (this can occur any time of the year, but most often on very dry nights)
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hungry (well...this one can't be helped unless I get up and eat, but then, food frequently gives me allergies, which lead to...you guessed it...PSD)
I think my body hates me. It's such a nice day today, but my body kept me awake last night because of PSD again. So, naturally, I'm far too tired to go outside and enjoy nature. I don't know why my body does this to me. Each Autumn and Winter, I want and hope to get outside to enjoy those seasons and each year, my body prevents me from doing so due to any of those things listed above...and that's not even the full list of things that keep me awake.
This is why I keep giving into my addiction I've mentioned before. This is why I don't have a life. This is why I don't have any friends I can hang out and talk to. And, no matter what medications I take for these things, they fail to fix the problem. Sometimes, they help ease the symptoms temporarily, but when I get up to go to the bathroom, PSD often flares back up and then, I can't go back to sleep...like today (September 25, 2016), for instance.
So, when I say "what's the use?", I mean what's the use of living if my body keeps me trapped like this? I don't have suicidal thoughts often, but once in a while, such thoughts do occur...and today is one of those times, hence I said what's the use of living (though I never actually go through with it). If I could swear on this site, I'd be using a LOT of those words to describe how I feel about all of this. My body is extremely sensitive to the most harmless kinds of things and there's no stopping it. I can't figure out why my body is like this, much less how to get it back to the way it was before all this started happening (about October, 2007). I can't win. Okay, my rant is over for the time being.