+2 votes
in Fun & Humor ☻ by
Some Examples

Mean. In the UK to be mean implies you are frugal to the point of being stingy. In the US you might be mean (i.e. aggressive) because of that English guy's inability to get his wallet out and buy you a beer (cv).

Autumn. My favourite time of year when the leaves turn orange, red and yellow. You call it 'Fall'. I prefer Autumn.

Candy. We call them sweets. Unless they are American confectionary, then we call them candy too. I have met quite a few Americans girls called 'Candy' but never ever an English one called 'Sweets'.

Cutlery. The impliments you eat with. You guys also call them flatware.

Sucker. In both countries a fool or a silly person. Also a piece of candy on the end of a stick that us Brits call a lollipop or a lolly. We also call money 'lolly' too to make things just that little bit more confusing...

Z. The twenty sixth letter of the alphabet. You call it 'Zee'; we call it 'Zed'. A whole generation in England has had to relearn the alphabet after hearing the 'Alphabet song' on Sesame Street. Sadder still, the song doesn't rhyme with the English 'Zed'. At least the 'Numbers song' works (1-2-3-4-5, 6-7-8-9-10, 11-12, do do-do do-do do-do do etc etc...)

Tire. When visiting the garage make sure you know the difference between a UK tire (band of metal placed around the rim of a wheel designed to strengthen it) and a US tire (pneumatic effort called a 'tyre' in the UK). If you make a mistake it could be a very long and bumpy ride home.

99. In the US purely the number before one hundred. In the UK a yummy variety of ice cream consisting of a scoop of vanilla soft-scoop ice cream in wafer cone with a chocolate flake stuck in it. The cone is specially designed to allow the melting ice cream to flow all over your hand before you get to eat it.

Centennial. Dull but apt. You call the period lasting a hundred years a centenary.

Link: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/95q4/uk.html

4 Answers

+2 votes

Wait a minute!

There was a sodahead by the user name of 'Hombre' (from Ohio, not the UK) who often used to call me 'Sweets'.

Don't know where he is now.  :'(

Me neither - and I can't remember an ex-SH called "Hombre".
But perhaps, he can be found in one of your communities under another name.

Lol, he used a German Shepherd dog as an avatar, and made lots of funny comments, usually at the expense of political liberals. He was suspended at least twice, but never DA'd.  :D  He was friends with lots of members of the "bad" groups that I was in, like the 'Pirates', 'Bad to the Bone', etc., but he didn't join those groups himself, despite being eminently qualified for membership. :D :D

I think I would recognize him if he was operating under a different name.



+3 votes

I use more US English.

+2 votes

Yes, there was a very smart Englishman on blurtit who constantly corrected us on our American use if the Queen's English! I got a kick out of it! :D


Lol - you must have felt like an English learner from Continental Europe, for instance.



There's a lot of that going around.  :D

+2 votes

Help!  I don't know my bum from my fanny!


I know I might sound a bit dumb,

But in England, my fanny's my ...um...

They're simply uncanny,

Those words, bum and fanny:

In the U.S., my fanny's my bum!


Lol - oops! :blush::angel::D

I'd rather keep silent and chuckle. :D


And I'll refrain from a limerick about mixed-up orifices, but the temptation is great.  :O :blush: :angel: :D

Lol - the warning came too late -
nonsense found an open gate.
Orifices of all kinds
are too tempting for the minds.

Nonsensical Cogitation

I'm afraid, that it is naughty,

as some hints seem gross or paughty,

when one's thoughts are getting draughty -

neglecting those who might be thoughty -

even minds said to be "doughty":


"One is a whole and one a part,

but there's a warning at the start,

it might hurt like a stinging dart,

so, neither side would find that smart

and overuse a "brainy fart" ..."



You're right... too late.  :O :blush: :O

When a lassie's base URGES grew strong,

'Twasn't LONG 'til she STRIPPED off her thong.

Alas for that lass,

'Twas a PAIN in the a*s,

'Til she LEARNED he was DOING it wrong.  :O :blush: :O


Oops - poor fairie - you have my compassion -

such cruelty is sick-minded fashion ...



Lol - interesting; did you try these remedies (also the potato buds)?

Medicinal herbs, such as Hamamelis (H. virginiana) = witchhazel, Calendula (C. officinalis) = marigold, Vitis (V. vinifera [tinctoria]) = common grape wine, etc., are also recommended.



No, I never needed to try them, never having had pains in that... um... location, except briefly when having occasional constipation.  :O :blush: :ermm: :angel: :) :D


Lol - all the better; on my side, I was sometimes constipated in my earlier childhood, and I loathed the suppositories.

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