Jacques Chirac, the French Prime Minister (function from 1974 - 1976), was sitting in his office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United States when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Mike down at the Derby in Hamilton, Ontario. I am calling to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you, eh!"
"Well, Mike," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Mike after a moment's calculation, "there's meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Bob, and the entire Canadian Olympic curling team. That makes eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Mike, that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Take off!" said Mike. "I'll have to call you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Mike called again. "Mister Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some real infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Mike?" Chirac asked. "Well, we got the two combines, a bulldozer, and Bob's farm tractor."
Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Mike, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke."
"Jesus!" said Mike. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Mike called again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jack McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of twenty-twos in the cockpit, and the girls from the peelers have joined us too!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Mike, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!"
"Jaysus, Mary, and Joseph!" said Mike, "I'll have to call you back." Sure enough, Mike called again the next day. "G'day, Mister Chirac! I'm sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Mike, "the boys had a long chat over a bunch of beers and decided that there's no way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners."
Source: Postby Gord » Mon Sep 16, 2013 4:03 am -
http://www.skepticforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=17759