Don't mess with blondes?

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May 14 in Fun & Humor ☻ by TheOtherTink (21,199 points)

A blind man enters a bar and feels his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a great blonde joke?”

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know a few things. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

The blind guy says, “Naah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

2 Answers

Rooster May 14
Virginia May 14

Oh Tink, that has got to be an ULTIMATE blonde jokes...11 AM here on the Pacific raincoast and (as often on SOLVED) my first laugh-out-loud of the day...I loved it! :D <3 :P

Here is one for you, when I was growing up EVERYBODY knew this joke so you may already know it if it has continued down through the generations? ;) (I'm sure Rooster knows it.)

Question: "How many (blondes, Swedes, Polacks, whatever group you are trying to insult) does it take to change a light bulb?"

Answer: "Takes five; one to hold the light bulb and four to turn the ladder."

Lol, yes, I think I once heard that as a Polish joke.  It's interesting about the word 'Polack'.  It's generally considered derogatory, both in English and in German (same word), but in Polish, the word for a Pole is Polak!  Go figure.  :)

Virginia Virginia May 14

No I did not know that about Polish Polak...but I know from "dumb Swede," (growing up Swede that I am) that ya gotta wear your dumbness with pride... :sideways:  :blink:  <3

Virginia, I did know a girl in school once whose last name was Sweda, but I think her immediate ancestry was Polish or Russian.  The name probably came from the time the Swedes had conquered large parts of northeastern Europe, around the time of Gustav Adolf.

Virginia Virginia May 14

Tink that is amazing! Gustav Adolph??? Had to look 'im up...found this...

"Gustav II Adolf (9 December 1594 – 1632, O.S.) was the King of Sweden from 1611 to 1632 who is credited for the founding of Sweden as a great power (Swedish:Stormaktstiden). He led Sweden to military supremacy during the Thirty Years' War, helping to determine the political as well as the religious balance of power in Europe. He was formally and posthumously given the name Gustavus Adolphus the Great." 

Now I have to go look up O.S., am assuming that was the calendar Julian stuff before they got things straightened out... ;)  ...but I did not know Sweden EVER had got around to being a Great Power!

Yes, Gustav Adolf was a military genius, but I think he got killed in a battle, I forget which one.

Yeah, O.S. means old style (i.e., Julian) calendar.

Virginia Virginia May 14

Tink it is very poignant...he was only 37 y/o!

"The Battle of Lützen (6 November 1632) was one of the most decisive battles of the Thirty Years' War. It was a Protestant victory, but the Protestant alliance lost one of its most important leaders, which caused the Protestant campaign to lose direction. Gustavus Adolphus was killed when, at a crucial point in the battle, he became separated from his troops while leading a cavalry charge on his wing..."

His wife seem to have really loved him..."After his death, Gustavus's wife initially kept his body, and later his heart, in the castle of Nyköpingfor over a year. His remains (including his heart) now rest in Riddarholm Church in Stockholm."

image

Very poignant, Virginia.  :'(

A more amusing story of the 30-Years' War concerns the Bavarian town of Rothenburg, where my great-grandmother was born.  It seems the town was besieged and taken by the Catholic general Tilly in the early 1600s.  The town fathers, hoping to keep the rape and pillage to a minimum, went out to Tilly with gifts, including a large, 3-liter drinking stein, probably made of silver.  Tilly is supposed to have said that he would spare the town if the mayor could drink down the stein filled with wine in one draught.  The mayor did so, and saved the town from being despoiled, according to the story. It is called der Meistertrunk.  :)

http://www.travelsignposts.com/Germany/sightseeing/the-master-draught


Virginia Virginia May 14

There are even paintings and re-enactments! Plus a festival... "Bürgermeister Nusch took up the challenge and amazed Tilly by draining the tankard in ten minutes. Tilly kept his promise to spare the town, the folks of Rothenburg were jubilant and Mayor Nusch was said to have slept for the next three days."


This photo of Restaurant Eisenhut is courtesy of TripAdvisor" />

Mayor Nusch might have been in a coma.  That 3.25 liters of wine would be about 23 glasses of wine in 10 minutes!  People have died from less alcohol than that. :O

Virginia Virginia May 15

Yes...I thought of that...a great story which at this late date may well be apocryphal...

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