A good old joke

Question

The Parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Link: http://www.metaspoon.com/parrot-freezer-punishment-joke/

Answer 1

Oh I remember this joke and it´s funny

Comments

Thank you, Amberleechoo - I read it several times, and it is still as hilarious as ever.

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Oops, I had an accident, instead of one post, there are four, after some awkward tinkering around; so, I had to change and add three other jokes.

I hope that you love this one too.

Answer 2

Bill Clinton dies, and of course is sent straight to Hell.

Satan greets him warmly and says, "Since you afforded me such delight during your time on Earth, I'm going to give you a special privilege. There are three different eternal punishments behind these three doors. You may look at them and choose whichever one you want."

Satan opens the first door, and there is George Bush, chained naked to the wall, tormented by searing flames all about him. Bill shudders and says, "NO, NO! I couldn't stand that! Show me the next punishment!"

Satan opens the second door, and there is Vladimir Putin, chained naked to the wall and bleeding profusely, tormented by seven demons stabbing him with pitchforks. "NO!" shouts Bill, trembling from head to toe. "I couldn't stand that! Open the third door!"

Satan opens the third door, and there is Barack Obama, chained naked to the wall with Monica Lewinsky on her hands and knees in front of him, doing what she was famous for.

"Hmmm..." says Bill, "that doesn't look so bad." Turning to Satan, he says, "I'll take the third punishment."

"Done!" says Satan. Then turning to Monica, he says, "Hey Monica! Get up and leave! You've been replaced."

Comments

Oops - lol.

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Oops indeed.

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Oh yes, the "evil" laugh of Mephistopheles in Gounod's Faust opera.
It is tragic indeed.

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Except that in Faust, Mephistopheles fails to get Marguerite's soul, as he had planned, but only Faust's.

In the joke, he gets both Clinton and Obama (not to mention Bush and Putin).

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Lol!

In Gounod's Faust, Mephistopheles failed to get Marguerite's soul, but it is not said if he got Faust's soul or not ...

https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Faust_(opera)&action=edit&section=8

On the other hand Goethe's Part II mentions Faust's redemption.

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Lol, well, in the older versions of the Faust story, there can be no doubt.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_Faustus_(play)

And of course there is no doubt about what Berlioz thought.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_damnation_de_Faust

Yet Goethe's point of universal redemption is well taken;  I mean. if Darth Vader can be redeemed, why not Faust?   :-)

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Lol - indeed (the translation was that by Gérard de Nerval), but there were quite a few great classic artists dealing with Faust, like Liszt (Symphony) and Wagner (Ouverture), or Schubert, Schumann, Mahler, etc., or there was also Boito's Mefistofele ..., or, before Goethe, Marlowe's "The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus" ...

Answer 3

When the Titanic went down a cruise entertainer, the magician and his parrot, found their way onto a life raft. They drifted for days among the icebergs, hoping to be rescued, and in all that time the parrot said nothing.

Finally, on the morning of the third day, the bird said, "OK, I give up. What did you do with the ship?"

Comments

Lol!