Question

Weird Advertisement

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Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

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Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

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Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

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Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

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And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

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We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

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Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

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For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

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Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

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Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

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Link: http://www.ahajokes.com/ads05.html

Answer 1

Those are certainly out-of-the ordinary advertisements but do get the attention. 

Comments

Lol - indeed!

Answer 2

LOL! 

Comments

Lol  - a rhyme for the very ".... bucks" ,

to earn  - if lucky - a few "bucks",

when sliding doors on shiny trucks,

one only stares and yells "aw shucks"!

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(... = direct advertisement might not be appreciated)

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I SHOULD have paid heed to their trucks,

But my GUTS were in NEED of inFLUX.

So I entered, but learnt

That their coffee was burnt;

Yes, the coffee at Starbucks sure  s u c k s.

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Continuation:

If bitter coffee earned two yucks,

spread further by some quacking "ducks",

tackling players to form the ruck,

they all hope to be blessed with luck.

 

Even wading through sludge and muck,

to push and strike around a puck,

regardless if the goal is struck,

the game ends when the feet get stuck.

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Marianne, we're PUSHING our luck,

As we FAST deplete rhyme words for "buck".

My brain has gone numb!

I'll SOON be struck dumb!

Can't THINK of more "buck" rhymes, oh f — !

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You're right, we'd rather skip the slurs,

and share, instead, some hearty "churs"!

No need to add more aching spurs,

as offence easily occurs,

when tears turn faces into blurs.

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We spent a day and night in Chur,

Enjoying Swiss air, brisk and pure,

Albeit early morn was foggy,

And the earth was wet and soggy.

Then we recommenced our tour,

Said farewell, three cheers for Chur!

(Das soll jeder Mal wohl seh'n,

Es war dort doch hurenschön.)   

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Cuira, in the past "Curia Raetorum",

suiting the standards of the decorum;

looks back on the Bronze and Iron Ages,

and on bellicose Medieval pages;

first Christian bishopric north of the Alps,

when feuds and disasters burnt minds and "scalps",

the Three Leagues (or Trais Lias) rose to fight

for Grischun's proper, independent "flight".

Today, the path to cultural treasures

involves a flood of "touristic" pleasures ...

 

Addendum:

In diesem Tale herrschen Rhein und Föhn,

der Blick auf die Berge ist wunderschön!

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Ach, Entschuldigung!  Hab' ungeheuer schön gemeint. 

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Cute, even if you refer to terrific or monstruous - lol. !

Lol - "huere" was correct (GE die Hure, Nutte), but a very unkind and discriminating word (in FR putain [not to confuse with Putin - hence "Poutine"], pute, gourgandine - in IT puttana and ES putana, ...).

Oops, but shhh!

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Shhhhh....

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