Ten Again!
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"
She said, "I'd love to be ten again."
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park.
He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was.
She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then the were off to a movie theater where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola.
At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"
Link: http://www.you-can-be-funny.com/OldPeopleBirthdayJokes.html
Lol
!
That's kinda funny lol
Thank you for appreciating the joke.
Pretty good one there ! LOL.
Thank you, Hitman - good to see you laugh!
Tsk, tsk... she was careless. She should have said a 10 again.
But then her husband might have enrolled her in a crash diet program for her birthday present.
Lol - I don't think that she would have liked a crash diet, but maybe that a nice sight-seeing tour or excursion would have been a great idea. Oops - that reminds me of a funny barefoot tour - lol.
Yes, but on sightseeing tours, they tend to stuff you with even more food than you would normally eat.
Lol - not so often - we were not so keen on fast food, and in case of "gourmet trips" the food was not always too "caloric".
Last but not least: you can, normally, choose to eat smaller portions.
We went on a marvelous bus tour of Scotland some years ago, but we were fed large breakfasts and dinners at the hotels. Only at lunch on the road was the choice more a la carte, and then of course there was a stop for tea and scones in the afternoon. Not good for the figure.
Lol - I can't help chuckling; did they serve you haggis?
Yes, we did have haggis one evening, complete with the haggis ceremony. BUT...I think it was "tourist haggis," because it tasted quite good... suspiciously like hamburger.
Lol - I never had the occasion to taste it, but I heard from several sides that it tasted real good.
After all, it is also important to look into the way, the different elements of such dishes are prepared, cleaned, cooked, spiced, etc. And many elements considered as disgusting, are used for delicious sausages.
Some are renown delicacies (some are, of course, rather caloric - lol):
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liver_(food)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweetbread
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beef_tongue
And it is a question of dosage - not too much and not too often, of course.
Lol, chicken livers are ok, but I'm not crazy about sweetbreads or tongue. My grandfather said about tongue, that he would never eat anything that had been in some animal's mouth, to which my grandmother replied, "But eggs are ok?"
Oh, and here is Burns's "Address to a Haggis," recited at the haggis ceremony:
Address to a Haggis
Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye worthy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.
The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o need,
While thro your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.
His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An cut you up wi ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!
Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
'Bethankit' hums.
Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi perfect scunner,
Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view
On sic a dinner?
Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!
But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll make it whissle;
An legs an arms, an heads will sned,
Like taps o thrissle.
Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies:
But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
Gie her a Haggis!
That is a nice one with great rhymes, but it needs a slow approach and a dictionary for quite a few expressions - lol!
Oh yes, lots of Scottish dialect.