Question

Orchestra Personnel Standards

Conductor :
- Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
- Is more powerful than a locomotive.
- Is faster than a speeding bullet.
- Walks on water.
- Gives policy to God. 
 

Concertmaster
- Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
- Is more powerful than a switch engine.
- Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
- Walks on water if sea is calm.
- Talks with God.


Oboist
- Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
- Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
- Is almost as fast as a speeding bullet.
- Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool.
- Talks with God if special request is approved.

Trumpet player
- Barely clears a quonset hut.
- Loses tug-of-war with locomotive.
- Can fire a speeding bullet.
- Swims well.
- Is occasionally addressed by God.


... to be continued ...

Link: http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/other-instrument-jokes.html

Answer 1

 Thought I recognized one of those! The Sorcerers Apprentice from Fantasia. Remember seeing it on the Walt Disney show.

Answer 2

Lol - some of these old, classic cartoons are real jewels.

Answer 3

I always knew they did really important things at MIT...(your link is to MIT)

Answer 4

Lol - wait a minute - this abbreviation has many definitions:

http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/MIT 

Are you referring, perhaps, to T(h)ink's proposal?

I got stuck with "Institute of Technology" or "Information Technology", but the "M" can be music, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Melbourne, Monaco, Munich, etc., etc.

Answer 5

Oops...

Men In Trouble?

Myanmar Institute of Technology?

Mothers In Training? (Oh the wonderful things you learn online...)

Answer 6

Yes, yes - lol!

Answer 7

Answer 8

Lol - think, I enjoyed your link while still chuckling. I had to listen a second time.

Wait a minute; the funnier part of the lyrics is missing:

http://1961.alumclass.mit.edu/s/1314/images/gid52/editor_documents/reunions/mit_song.pdf?gid=52&pgid=61&sessionid=f3d043e7-6d38-41f2-aa66-b489e4af6ee8

Answer 9

@ Marianne:

??? Isn't that what they sang in the first song?

I think the funniest part is the last verse of the second song, where they spell out 'Massachusetts Institute of Technology'.

Edit: Here are the words to the second song:

Take Me Back to Tech

I wish that I were back again at Tech on Boylston Street,
Dressed in my dinky uniform so dapper and so neat.
I'm crazy after calculus, I never had enough;
It's hard to be dragged away so young,
It was horribly awfully tough!
Hurrah for Technology, 'ology 'ology oh,
Glorious old Technology, 'ology 'ology oh!
Back in the days that were free from care in the 'ology varsity shop,
With nothing to do but analyze air in an anemometrical top.
The differentiation of the trigonometric pow'rs
The constant pi that made me sigh in those happy days of ours.
Hurrah for Technology, 'ology 'ology oh,
Glorious old Technology, 'ology 'ology oh!
Take me back on a special train to that glorious institute,
I yearn for the inspiration of a technological toot.
I'd shun the quizzical physical profs the chapel and all that,
But how I'd love to go again on a scientific bat.
Hurrah for Technology, 'ology 'ology oh,
Glorious old Technology, 'ology 'ology oh!
M-A-S-S-A-C-H-U-S-E-T-T-S
(and)
I-N-S-T-I-T-U-T-E-O-F-T-E
(but)
C-H-N-O-L-O-G and Y comes after G
(and what does that spell?)
The Massachusetts Institute of Technology!
Hey!

Answer 10

Lol - indeed, this is the funny and nicest part to enjoy; thank you T(h)ink.

Answer 11

Answer 12