+3 votes
181 views
in Fun & Humor ☻ by

In the Garden of Eden, over 6000 years ago, God says to Adam, "Adam I have a surprise for you. She's called a woman."

"What's a woman?" asks Adam.

"Well, you're going to find out," replies God. I want you to go down into the valley— "

"What's a valley?" asks Adam. Adam hasn't learned many words yet, so God patiently explains.

"And then cross the river— "

"What's a river?" Again God explains.

"And then climb the mountain— "

"What's a mountain?" Again God explains.

"And near the top, you will find a cave— "

"What's a cave?" Again God explains.

"Inside the cave, you will find the woman. I want you to become one flesh with her and be fruitful and multiply— "

"How do I do all that?" Again God explains, and Adam sets out for the valley.

An hour later, Adam is back again and says, "God, I have another question."

"Yes Adam," replies God, rolling his eyes, "what is it this time?"

"What's a headache?"

4 Answers

+3 votes
by

Oh, poor dear Adam...  :'(  :wassat:

by

God hadn't yet created socialism.  :D

by

Hmmm...sounds like His Holiness was a bit slow on the uptake, here...inventing headaches before He did socialism?

by

Well, you have to have the problem before you need a cure.  :)

+3 votes
by

Lol - an excellent one, T(h)ink!

:D:D:D

But wait a minute: 6000 or 5000 years ago? That seems to refer to the written records of the Genesis, long after the events! :angel::)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primeval_history

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stone_Age

by

Marianne, no one can dispute Bishop Ussher's monumental study of the subject:angel:

https://www.lhup.edu/~dsimanek/ussher.htm

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Hmmm...from your link, O'Tink, it seems the honorable bishop did get outdone, however, by his contemporary Sir John Lightfoot...who was able to pinpoint the ACTUAL time of day that man (himself) was created...(didn't see a comparable calculation for the woman)

that "heaven and earth, centre and circumference, were created all together, in the same instant, and clouds full of water," and that "this work took place and man was created by the Trinity on October 23, 4004 B.C., at nine o'clock in the morning."

Whew! I am certainly glad we got THAT settled...

by

But Virginia, Lightfoot got it ALL WRONG... wasn't he paying attention in Sunday School?

Creation took SIX days, not an instant, and man and woman were made on the sixth day (Gen 1:27-31), so if creation began on October 23, man and woman would have been made on the 28th.

Furthermore, I have my doubts about Lightfoot's 9 a.m. calculation. In biblical times, the first hour of the day began at 6 a.m., so is Lightfoot saying God showed up for work three hours late on the very first day? I don't think so:O

by

Lol, T(h)ink, indeed, by then they did not have all the means and technologies of modern times.

:O:angel::D:D


by

:D  <3  

The Ancestral Inventor of time itself...showing up LATE for work??? Give this boy a demerit...

image

by

No, He didn't show up late for work, Lightfoot got it wrong.  And Blake got it wrong too... God didn't need a divider.  The Eternal Word SPOKE everything into existence.

(Sheesh, didn't Blake go to Sunday School either?)  :)<3

by

Hmmm...I tend to be more of a birther, myself, rather than a spoke-er...evidence being, since it is now incontrovertibly established that the beloved God is a woman, birthing creation into existence seems a bit more, well, logical somehow... :D

by

Oh yes, Virginia, and you might be right, although many questions remain open:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_of_God 

:):D

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Oh, my mistake, Virginia.

I think that may be a pair of birthing forceps God is holding.

Difficult delivery, y'know.  :angel: :) :D

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Marianne, you truly give me a new respect for Wikipedia...who would have thought it, a whole LONG article on the topic of the gender of God, with oodles of references too!  :D:P:silly:

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(Virginia smites brow with heel of hand) omg, I think you are correct, O'Tink!  ...I always assumed those birthing forceps were the division into opposites, the yin/yang duality...

by

Yes, Virginia, they did and still do a very difficult and tedious job - and it is a non-profit organisation.

:)


by

Truly yes, big smile for Wikipedia, Marianne! :)

+3 votes
by

nice joke

by

Lol :)!


+3 votes
by

Aw Tink! You make me laugh!  :D :D :D :D

by

That's the idea, Rooster:D :D :D

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Thank you! :D

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